I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
