Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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