You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
