Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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