i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
