I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
