By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
