i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
