He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
