I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
