no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
