"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
