at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
