Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
pray to the hookup gods
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
