I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
