me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
