Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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