I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize