My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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