You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
