i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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