Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
