Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
