He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
