There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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