LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
