chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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