I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
