I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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