I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
