allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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