I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
