I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
