his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
