He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
