you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm going to jail i love you
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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