i think my mom watched the whole time
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
