i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
