Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize