Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
