Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i've created a new STD.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize