You don't have asthma, your pregnant
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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