I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
