Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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