maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
