I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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