TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
