My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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