She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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