tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize