Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
There are leaves in my underwear?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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