The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
