Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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