Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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