Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
