she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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