I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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