drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The struggles of a small town man whore
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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