a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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