Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Randomize
