I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Randomize
