He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
