Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
