I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
