I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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